March 15, 2016
Proceedings of the Natural Institute of Science | Volume 3 | SCI-NEWS 8
Excision of junk DNA becomes latest plastic surgery trend
LOS ANGELES, CA – Move over liquid rhinoplasty, BRO-tox, and buttock augmentation, there’s a new plastic surgery trend that is sweeping the country and it could literally take years off your life.
The procedure is called junk DNA excision and it targets and removes the areas of your genome that have no discernible function. Plastic surgeons state that the procedure can produce a more youthful, efficient appearance, and even some weight loss due to the discarded DNA (about 0.4 pounds).
Best of all, the procedure is relatively painless and noninvasive. A qualified plastic surgeon simply injects a special concoction of enzymes in several spots on the body. “I’m not at liberty to say what exactly is in our injections,” said Landon Albrecht, plastic surgeon specializing in junk DNA excision. “But let’s just say there’s a shit-ton of endonucleases in there. And probably some DNA ligases, but definitely no nucleotides.”
Patients who have undergone junk DNA excision are raving about the results. “I’m constantly getting compliments on how great my cells and nuclei look after the procedure,” said Kimberly MacDougall, a recent patient at Albrecht’s clinic. “Just last week, someone complimented me on my chromosomes!”
But it’s not just appearance in which patients see drastic improvement. “I feel more youthful, almost lighter, without all that excess DNA. My mitosis rates have never been faster,” said Mitchell Lewis, another recent patient. “I also feel very light-headed, but the doctor said that was a common side effect.”