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December 7, 2015

Proceedings of the Natural Institute of Science | Volume 2 | SCI-NEWS 26

Researcher now claiming that oft-rejected manuscript was actually a performance art piece

KANSAS CITY, MO – After having the same manuscript rejected by nine different scientific journals in three years, University of Missouri-Kansas City biomedical researcher Mark Schofield is now claiming that the manuscript was actually a performance art piece all along, meant to represent the struggles and depravities associated with academic publishing.

“Yes, that’s right,” said Schofield in an interview. “It was totally never meant to be published in the first place, but instead was intended to be a commentary on modern academic publishing, or something like that. All the long, long hours of laboratory experiments, literature research, and revisions to the manuscript were just part of this work of art. Yup, I can definitively say that those past three years were not a colossal waste of my time.”

Schofield’s performance art piece is entitled Nonsignificant effects of a novel weight-loss drug on weight gain in mice. However, unfortunately for those interested in viewing the performance, Schofield states that he will never perform it again. “Nope, it was one of those one-time only art thingies, like an Andy Goldsworthy piece,” said Schofield. “In fact, the final act of this performance is right here, with me throwing the flash drive that has the manuscript right in the trash, and me flipping off a copy of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.”

Schofield’s colleagues, however, are skeptical of his sudden career shift. “Mark wouldn’t know a Picasso from a Wyeth,” said Stacy Lancaster, another biomedical researcher at UMKC. “He’s obviously just mad that his stupid paper wasn’t good enough for even a low-tier, regional journal.”

Schofield dismisses these criticisms. “They’re obviously just jealous,” said Schofield. “They’re jealous that I can now call myself ‘interdisciplinary’, they’re jealous that I can now add a ‘Current Exhibitions’ section to my resume, and they’re especially jealous that Sotheby’s just auctioned off my art piece for 33.5 million dollars.”

 

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