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September 14, 2015

Proceedings of the Natural Institute of Science | Volume 2 | SCI-NEWS 17

American Psychological Association to republish retracted articles in wake of reproducibility project

By S. D. Vernooth

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprising move, the American Psychological Association (APA) has decided to republish a series of scientific articles that had previously been retracted after being revealed as fraudulent. The move was announced by Dr. Mark Leary, President of the APA’s Division 8: Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP), and is claimed to be a direct product of the widely-reported “reproducibility project”, a study that showed that less than 40% of psychology studies’ results were reproduced when conducted with different researchers.

“God damn reproducibility project” stated Dr. Leary, “Only 40% of the friggin’ studies replicate. 40%. Less than that, for crying out loud! Do you know what kind of a PR nightmare this is? So I say, sure, back the retracted articles. I mean, I know they don’t replicate, but neither do 60% of anyone else’s results.”

Among the studies to be republished are those of Michael LaCour, who fabricated a study about improving perceptions of same-sex marriage by having gay canvassers talk to bigots, and Diederik Stapel, who pretty much just made up every piece of research he did over the span of 10 years. These researchers were subsequently laughed out of academia, however they may have another chance at scientific glory. “Gay folks somehow make assholes change their mind on gay marriage?” said Leary. “Sure, okay. Disorganized environments promote stereotyping? Sure, what the hell.”

When asked if he thought this move might place social psychology in an even worse light, a flustered Leary scoffed. “Lookit, no one believes a friggin’ word we say anymore. Even the good ones who actually do the research can’t find results that replicate. So why not bring these guys back? At least their findings were interesting,”

Asked whether SPSP would make further moves, Leary shrugged. “Yeah, probably. I think we all owe Karen Ruggierio an apology. Who was that other guys who did the monkeys and stuff? Hauser? Was he with us? Bring him back, too.”

When asked about Dr. Brian Nosek, lead author of the reproducibility project, Leary’s face darkened. “He’s dead to me,” Dr. Leary growled. “Guy says he wants to improve psychology. Entire field is fucked now, nice friggin’ job. I hope you continue putting out fancy Science articles, buddy, because you’re sure as shit not getting anything published with the APA anymore, you rat bastard.”

Dr. Leary was asked whether he thought the reputation of social psychology had taken an irreparable blow, as which point he became visibly annoyed. “Come on, be real,” Leary replied. “It’s a few studies that didn’t replicate. It’s not like we’re torturing people.”

 

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